Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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