Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
it's not cheating when I paid for it
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
