I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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