i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
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