one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
