If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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