it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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