he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
