then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
