cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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