? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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