he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Randomize
