is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
