The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
And then the night went full on bisexual.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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