i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
