Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
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