the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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