he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
last night I used snow as a chaser
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
