Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Randomize
