have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Randomize
