you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
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