The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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