I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
