Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Let the clothes fall where they may.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
