I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
