last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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