All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
