I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
