Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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