Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
