I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
