This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
