I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
