Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Randomize
