So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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