her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
