Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
