how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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