I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
