Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
