I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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