no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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