I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Randomize
