Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize