i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
