You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
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