plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
