I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
