So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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