Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
