it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize
