my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
