I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Randomize
