Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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