I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
