It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
