god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Randomize
