Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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