i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Randomize
