What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
