Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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