I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
