I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
