For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Randomize
