we have pet lesbian snakes
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I have tasted many bathrooms
Randomize
