So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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