I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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