Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
