so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
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