Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
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