i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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